STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH

10 years ago this past May was the tenth anniversary of STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH. Hard to believe it, but life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

This was going to be the final Star Wars movie, again. By the release of Episode III the prequels had their haters. But love em or hate em, the premiere of the “final” Star Wars was and always will be a communal thing. A gathering of fans young and old, a celebration of everything Star Wars. Standing in line we didn't talk about our favorite moments from the prequels, we discussed what makes Star Wars special to us.

To this day the line for Episode III holds the record for most crowded line that I've waited for a movie in. 4 auditoriums all sold out.

If I had to choose a favorite prequel then I'd pick STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH. It has it's problems just like the other two films but I find it the most re-watchable of the three. Thanks in large part to the highly recommended television series STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS. The most Star Wars-ish thing concerning the Prequels. Yeah it's a cartoon, but the spirit of Star Wars is in full swing.

Pretty much what I don't like about the Prequels remains to be true in this film. The overabundance of lightsabers, Sith using lightsabers, bad dialogue, and dumbing down the story for kids. Some new criticisms are the Wookie planet, and not just bad, but terrible dialogue.

In fear of just repeating popular criticisms about this film, I am just going to highlight some criticisms that myself and some friends have developed over the years.

With the help of Red Letter Media and long discussions about Star Wars with friends and fellow peers, I've come to the belief that Siths using lightsabers is dumb. You never see The Emperor use one at the end of RETURN OF THE JEDI. In fact he mocks the weapon of a Jedi. The only reason Darth Vader uses one is because he used to be a Jedi.

Wouldn't it have been more bad ass if Palpatine had just used The Force and Force Lightning when Mace Windu and some Jedi came to arrest his? And while we're on this topic. Wasn't the death of Mace Windu some of the most awkward acting and terrible dialogue in the history of a Star Wars film?

It took 22 years but George Lucas finally got to put Wookie planet in a Star Wars film. 22 years and a whole lot of nothing. Be sure to buy your Episode III Chewbacca action figure today! To be fair, I understand that after THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK it's always been about action figures. Just ask George. And every kids first favorite Star Wars character is a Chewbacca.

What was destined to be my favorite lightsaber duel, Anakin Skywalker vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi , turned out to be cool but a little too choreographed for my taste. Unless it was to signify that they are equal in skill? But I highly doubt it.

So what did I like in STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH?

George Lucas has always said he is a visual storyteller. One of my favorite scenes in the film is when Mace Windu tells Anakin to go back to his quarters and wait for further instructions while he goes to arrest Palpatine on charges of being a Sith Lord. Anakin can't stand this while he broods in his apartment. Across the way in another building is his wife Padme. The two have a connection. You see, Anakin has foreseen the death of Padme and Palpatine is the only one who can “save her”. It's a nice quite scene and you can see the emotion of Anakin betraying the Force and trusting his feelings instead! I loved the scene in the theater and still love it today!

But my favorite scene has to be the opera house scene. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has invited Anakin to the opera. While watch the performance Palpatine proceeds to tell Anakin a story about a Sith Lord who had the power to keep one from dying. Both actors do an excellent job. Anakin, already broken by the dark side is easily manipulated by the Supreme Chancellor's story.

So when it comes to revisiting the Prequels I'd rather just watch the cartoon series and this movie. The other two Prequels become dull to watch, especially Episode II.

Now that I've finished talking about Episodes I, II, and III it's time talk about the films that really matter. The original trilogy. And I cannot wait! Expect these not to come out so soon because I want to re-watch them and say all that I want to say about them.

Stay tuned and may the Force be with you!

TERMINATOR: GENISYS

If I had to describe what I thought of TERMINATOR: GENISYS in one word, the word that I would choose is 'unnecessary'.

Once I saw the teaser trailer for this new Terminator movie, I was on board. I liked the look of the movie and how they were changing up classic moments from the original. The idea of multiple T-800's in 1984 sounded cool to me. But then I saw another trailer, and the more trailers I saw the less enthusiastic I became.

Last night I went to go see the new Terminator film. For months I was on the fence about this one because of the latest trailers, but those doubts went away because of one certain promotion. James Cameron, director of the original endorsed TERMINATOR: GENISYS. And apparently his opinion was not bought and paid for. Which I hope is true, because I have a hard time believing that the director of the most successful Smurfs movie of all time really liked this movie? Because TERMINATOR: GENISYS sucks!

The convoluted plot due to the time travel and alternate time lines makes the Cameron films seem like perfect movies. I'm not kidding, trying to make sense of everything in TERMINATOR: GENISYS is enough to make your head explode. Thus leaving the film simple sound and fury. Some of the action scenes are cool but in the grand scheme of things like say plot, they don't make any sense.

One of the things I was looking forward to the most was why and how does Sarah Connor have a T-800 helping her in 1984! Who sent it? John Connor? Why is it good? And why did it show up in 1972? Was it because "Pops" (Yes, Sarah calls the T-800 Pops) went too far back it time? None of this crap is answered!

The reason this and a whole bunch of other things never get answered is because we're dealing with a poor script. This film is beyond plot holes. To compensate, the film runs on waves of nostalgia which is cool at first but becomes meaningless once you realize it does not propel the story forward. And what happens is the worst thing that can happen to a sequel or remake, TERMINATOR: GENISYS makes you wish you were watching the original film! If I am constantly thinking "man, I really wish I was watching THE TERMINATOR"! Then I am sorry, your movie has failed!

So it's the year 2026 and John Connor is leading the human resistance to infiltrate Skynet's time travel device. They don't make it in time so Kyle Reese volunteers to travel back to the year 1984 and protect Sarah Connor. Something goes wrong and Kyle Reese gets sent back to THE TERMINATOR RELOADED. In that time line it's Sarah who saves Kyle from a T-1000, and she has a sidekick which is a T-800 she calls "Pops". This Terminator is "friendly" (because it was clever in T2: JUDGEMENT DAY) for some reason. Who programed this one? Was it John? Who cares, it's kwel!!!

So Sarah and "Pops" bring Kyle up to speed on their plan to travel to the year 1997 and stop Judgment Day. But he rejects that plan with a new one. Travel to 2017 because he had a vision during his trip to 1984. After some easy convincing Kyle and Sarah travel to 2017, and "Pops" will meet them when they get there.

They get detained at the hospital by Homeland Security but John Connor saves them. If you've seen the trailer then you know this is a twist. Because John is now a Terminator, a new model, one we haven't seen before.

So now the threat level is even bigger since John Connor is trying to stop Sarah, Kyle, and "Pops" from destroying Genisys. Genisys is the new Skynet that is an app that everyone in the world has downloaded. Because apps are cool and relevant plus the fact that Judgment Day will always find a way. Can our three heroes stop Genisys? Of course because you quickly realize the movie has zero stakes. And Skynet will always find another way. Boring! Say what you will about the last sequel TERMINATOR SALVATION, but at least that movie tried something different.

I mentioned earlier about how the T-800 that got sent to 1972 is “friendly” and how it's programed to protect Sarah Connor. And seeing that we don't know who programed “Pops” to be a good guy? It makes the plot twist stupid. Why it worked in T2: JUDGEMENT DAY was because at the time it was a clever twist. The machine was stolen and programed to protect John Connor. And if you've seen the movie then you know that it took the whole film for John to make the T-800 more human.

With TERMINATOR: GENISYS Pops being a “friendly” feels empty.

Speaking of Pops, God bless Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's trying his best here but the material he has to work with is terrible. Which is sad really, Arnold deserves one last good Terminator movie. But after what I witnessed last night, I think this is the last one.

As for the rest of the characters I really tried my hardest to care what was going on with them. I think the actors were trying to because they had little to work with.

Along with a terrible script, I feel TERMINATOR: GENISYS suffers from to much exposition. What makes the Cameron films masterpieces of genre is that the what, where, and why is secondary. Especially the first film. What makes THE TERMINATOR work is that it's just a glorified B-movie about a cyborg from the future sent to kill the mother of John Connor, the leader of the resistance. We're told just the right amount of information about Skynet and Judgment Day to keep the plot moving.

When I think of TERMINATOR: GENISYS the phrase Keep It Simple Stupid comes to mind.

I recommend taking a pass on TERMINATOR: GENISYS and watch the original instead, especially if you've never seen it.

JAWS

JAWS was the first film to ever terrify me! It also might be the first movie to ever give me nightmares! So for years I considered JAWS a horror movie. And with being so scared I would mix up the sequels with the original film.

One of the best films ever made turns 40 today. Released on June 20th 1975, twenty-one months before I was born, JAWS and it's popularity would have a big impact on my childhood. For the longest time the film scared me to death. It got so ridiculous that my dad would call me into the living room if the movie was playing on television or HBO. I think he got a kick out of scaring me!

It wasn't until I was a teenager that I conquered my fear and watched JAWS in it's entirety. I had seen the movie before but only in bits and pieces. And in seeing those bits and pieces, not to mention parts of the sequels on HBO thinking they were the original, made seeing the original in one sitting much more important.

The rest is history. I was hooked! The film still scared me, but at the same time I conquered that fear. Much like Brody and his fear of the water.

So usually this is when I write what the movie is about but seeing that JAWS is 40 years old and still a classic, I'm sure it's fine if I skip it.

What can I saw about JAWS that hasn't already been praised about by millions? The answer is nothing. But in honor of 40 years, I'll share what I love about the film!

No matter how many times I see the film, the tension is still the same for me. Every time.

I'm sure if you watch and examine you'll find faults (because no movie is perfect), but I consider JAWS a perfect film.

I love the fact that I got to see a 35mm film print of JAWS in a theater before studios stopped doing that by forcing theaters to convert digitally.

And lastly, my favorite scene is JAWS has to been when Brody, Hooper, and Quint are in the Orca getting drunk and singing.

If you wanna celebrate, select theaters are showing JAWS this month! Check your local listings/theaters.

Happy 40th anniversary JAWS,

STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

It was around the release of the VHS of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE where fans were becoming extremely vocal about how much they hated the film. I am sure there were some that hated it from day one, fine whatever.

When STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES came out I was still a big defender of the prequels and thought all the haters just didn't “get” George Lucas. Red Letter Media sure showed me the errors of my ways. And in their criticism I was able to find my own faults with the 3 films. But before that I used to get drunk on high definition, Jedi with lightsabers, Yoda with lightsabers, and not-Boba Fett!

There was a time that this second installment was my favorite of the prequel trilogy. I loved how some of it “echoed” certain scenes from the original trilogy. One I was particularly fond of was how the battle in the droid factory was reminiscent of Luke and Leia on the Death Star bridge in STAR WARS. But looking back on it now I don't care for it as much. It's too noisy of a scene, meaning there is an overabundance of CGI. And that's the main issue I have with STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES. Everything looks fake.

Ever since the climactic fight scene at the end of MAN OF STEEL, I've been critical of CGI overabundance.

Say what you will about STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE but at least that movie had some practical effects and still retains a warmth to the finished product. I recently demoed the blu-ray on a Ultra HD 4k television. Once we got the settings how we wanted them, the movie looked it's best since the theater.

So the more that I watch STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES it suffers the same fate as it's predecessor, the film is boring. There is an action scene involving a impressive chase on the busy city planet of Coruscant. It begins in the air with flying cars and ends with a game of cat and mouse in a sports cantina. It's one of the most impressive scenes in the film. And once it's over the movie drags big time.

Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala hide out on Naboo while Obi-Wan Kenobi travels to the outer rim in search of the bounty hunter hired to assassinate Padme. During this time we are subjected to some of the blandest romantic dialogue between two characters since TITANIC . Anakin and Padme getting to know each other better is pure momentum killer.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan finds a clone army at the Republics disposal to fight against the Separatists. This leads him to Boba Fett, sorry, Boba Fett's dad. They fight. Which is actually pretty cool. But the Fett father and son get away. Kenobi follows them to a planet that the Separatists have been hiding out on preparing their droid army. He gets captured and it's up to Anakin, Padme, R2-D2, and C3-PO ( for some reason) to save the Jedi Knight. As I mentioned before, I liked this scene very much but the whole thing feels very cartoon-ish to me now.

Looking at it now, STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES as a whole is a flawed film. It does have it moments of coolness and George Lucas can be a good visual storyteller, except for all those lightsabers.

In conclusion, I consider STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES the worst of the prequel trilogy. The negatives outweigh the positives. The film is also the biggest reminder that the prequels were uninteresting and pointless. Do we really need to see Boba Fett as a child or see his origin? No. Is Yoda with a lightsaber cool? At first yes, but when you really think about it, the answer is no. Are Jedi and the Force cool and mysterious? Not anymore, not after this movie!

I think you get my point.

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE

What can be said of this film that hasn't been said before? Nothing. Red Letter Media has that covered . Their analysis of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE is the end all of any review about the film. What I wanna do is basically talk about what Star Wars means to me, thoughts leading up to the first prequel, and what I thought after.

Believe it or not, but there was once a time when Star Wars was considered retro. It's true, I was there! It was the year 1995. The trilogy was remastered in THX and fans started to get nostalgic. For gamers and collectible geeks like myself, there was a CCG Star Wars card game that was all the rage for awhile. Young filmmaker Kevin Smith inserted clever anecdotes and jokes about the beloved trilogy into his early films. It was a great time to be a Star Wars fan!

In 1997 the greatest thing happened, or so we thought? The greatest trilogy of them all was coming back to the big screen! This was huge. Advanced tickets sold out super fast, and this fan had to wait until the next weekend to see STAR WARS on the big screen. As we all know, these re-releases were special editions with added special effects, new scenes, and Boba Fett. Kwel!

It's now common law for any Star Wars fan to face palm at the very mention of the special editions and countless updates given to them. But in 1997, I did not care because I got to see STAR WARS on the big screen!

It wasn't until the release of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE on video and the umpteenth VHS box set release of the original trilogy, where fans started to really see the downside to the alterations.

But lets back it up a bit to the theatrical release of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE. The buzz for this movie was insane! Everybody was talking about it, and marketing was everywhere. I think there was even Episode I batteries! The film itself isn't very good, but I wouldn't trade this moment of fan hype for the world.

It's been several years now and I still remember day like it was yesterday. The day I bought advanced tickets for the first Star Wars film in 16 years. It was an experience I will never forget and never ever do again. I must have shown up to Springfield 8 at about 6am or 8am to purchase my advance tickets. Much to my surprise the front steps to the theater had been transformed into a campground. Tents and sleeping bags were everywhere.

I was shocked and a little intimidated so I left thinking that I wasn't prepared. After breakfast I drove back to the theater and got in line. By then the tents and sleeping bags had been put away. And for the next several hours everybody that was in line was talking about Star Wars and how much the films and legacy of the franchise meant to them.

What happened next was real annoying. The box office opened for the first matinée but unlike today we had to wait until 4pm (or something close to that) to get advanced tickets. I don't remember the details, but things worked very very differently back in the day. I wanna say that even ordering tickets online wasn't a thing yet?

So it's the afternoon and I still have a final at OTC to take later that day. But before that, I got to see THE MUMMY (1999) at half price for standing in line for hours and hours. However, was my whole day waiting in line going to be in vain because of some college final? Luck would have it that my dad was already off work or had the day off. The phone call was made and I was already prepared for the worst. Kids, never underestimate how cool your parents are! If this was for any other movie I'd be up a creek, but dad understood Star Wars.

So my final is done and I'm heading back to the theater thinking that my dad will have my advanced tickets in hand waiting for my return. Nope. Everybody is still waiting, and the line has doubled from the looks of it. After it was all said and done, I think it was 4pm that I finally got my advanced tickets. Was it worth the wait?

Yes and no, but mainly yes. The day of the midnight showing was a communal gathering of Star Wars fans that I will never forget. I ran into old friends and even made new ones. It was a great time to be a fan. That alone makes getting advanced tickets worth it, and I would do it again. The reason that I kinda feel that advanced tickets wasn't worth it is obviously moot but still one aspect of the experience annoyed the crap out of me. And that reason is, I saw the film again the very next day with my best friend early in the morning with no muss and no fuss.

Once STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE hit VHS, that's when fans started to discover that the movie wasn't very good. For years, almost a decade even, I was a huge George Lucas apologist. My excuse always being that he is a unconventional filmmaker. And that Jar Jar is for the kids so just quit your bellyaching. I always found the Trade Federation Droids and actor Jake Lloyd more annoying than everyones favorite Gungan.

Then one day my opinion changed. Someone on Facebook directed me to the light. If I remember correctly an old high school friend sent me a link to a video review of Episode I, but it just wasn't a review, it was an analysis of why the film is terrible.

You know what video I speak of. The popular Plinkett reviews from Red Letter Media. Their video made me realize just how boring the film is and how it's riddled with plot holes and things that just don't make sense in regards to the original trilogy. And just how un-Star Wars it was! Foolish me, all these years I just figured Lucas was on a whole other level when it came to writing and directing.*

A Star Wars film (or any film for that matter) should not be a chore to sit through. And for me the first two prequel movies are just that, a chore. Episode III has it's fair share of problems but at least I still consider that one entertaining enough to re watch. But anytime I try and watch one of the prequels, I opt for the original trilogy instead.

Do yourself a favor and watch the original trilogy today! May The 4th Be With You!

* Insert joke here.

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

The question on everybody's mind is if AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON is better than MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS? The answer is yes. However, nothing will ever top the first time Joss Whedon brought together all the MCU in one film. Not only bring them all together but make it work. And boy did he make it work.

Much like how a comic book opens with a splash page (a action panel that typically takes up two pages), AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON wastes no time and kicks things off with a traveling action sequence reminiscent of the NYC battle at the end of the first film. With all our heroes working together. Such a beautiful way to start the movie.

Even though this is only the second film, The Avengers coordinate like a well oiled machine. It's as if there have been some missions we haven't seen?

This time around The Avengers are called upon to retrieve Loki's staff which is now in the hands of Hydra. During the mission our heroes run into two new meta-humans, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff who are brother and sister. Under control by Hydra the siblings make the mission difficult for The Avengers. Especially Wanda and her psychic ability to make people see things that aren't really there.

During the raid of Baron Von Strucker's secret Hydra base, Iron Man/Tony Stark obtains Loki's staff. It is at this moment when Wanda gives him a glimpse of the future. In this future all Earth's Mightiest Heroes are dead. Is this a mind trick or are we seeing a possible outcome from the Infinity Wars? Like I said it's only a glimpse and once it's over, the mission at hand is successful.

Back at Avenger HQ Stark thinks about the future and decides it is time for Ultron, his artificial intelligence peacekeeping program. Something goes wrong and Ultron becomes self aware and comes to the conclusion that the only way to keep earth safe is to wipe out the human race. Thus putting The Avengers up to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance.

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON might be my favorite comic book movie. For a long time that title has belonged to SUPERMAN (1978). Still to this day I consider it the 'godfather' of comic book movies. I've learned over the years on what makes that movie great. We all know Superman is going to win. He's Superman! But what makes that film compelling are the stakes involved in it. He can't be in two places at once so he has to decide which missile to try and stop first.

In my opinion Joss does the same thing in his film. Obviously The Avengers will stop Ultron and save the world. But at what cost? And will our heroes be the same afterwards? Not to spoil anything but by the end we have an Avengers 2.0 team and a fan favorite who seems to have had enough.

I should also mention that the film is hilarious. This thing has Joss Whedon written all over it! It's kinda sad that he won't be returning for the third installment. But he has been an excellent architect for the MCU and I hope he'll at least stick around as a creative consultant.

Avoiding explaining what my favorite scenes and fights were I'll just tell you what I liked. First and foremost the look of the film. There is a lot of TLC in the detail of AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON. Right down to the giant 'A' atop Avengers Tower. And it's true, Vision steals the show! Probably the best introduction of a character in the MCU thus far. There was much rejoicing then immediate shock and awe in the theater during his appearance. I cannot wait to see how Vision plays into the next film!

Now for something that has little to do with special effects. Two of my favorite scenes were pure character interaction. The beginning of the movie has great a party scene. And I am a sucker for party scenes. Ever since watching DAZED AND CONFUSED, the hang-out genre has been one of my favorites. The camaraderie of them all gathered around trying to lift Thor's hammer is a scene worthy of admission price alone.

My second favorite character moment was when the team had to go regroup at Hawkeye's farm. A nice break from all the action. And it was nice to see a glimpse of Clint Barton's personal life. It's cool that Joss is giving more screen time to characters like Hawkeye, who we really only see in the Avengers films.

If I had to pick a fault with the film, I'd say it was the relationship with Banner and Romanoff. It felt way too forced in my opinion. It's convincing, just a tad tacked on. Another issue I have is major spoiler-ish because it has to do with the death of a character. Yes, it wouldn't be a true Joss Whedon movie if a character didn't die. I just think that this time around the suits at Marvel Studios and Disney stepped in and made some changes.

My final thoughts are easily summed up as I think the MCU is at a point now to where it'll be extremely unlikely that I'll be disappointed between now and AVENGERS:INFINITY WAR -PART I & II. After that it's anybody's guess?

But for now, Make Mine Marvel!

UNFRIENDED

Never thought I'd actually see this film. The trailer is pretty terrible and the entire film is a social media gimmick. Yeah, no thanks. But over the past few days the reviews have been positive. So far UNFRIENDED has remained fresh on Rotten Tomatoes which was surprising to me, so I had to see what the buzz was about.

Stylistically I hate everything about UNFRIENDED. This may make me sound old. But I do not want to watch a “movie” which is a characters computer screen for 82 minutes. I'm sorry but if you ask me, that's not a movie! However, I do think that there is something a tad clever going on here. But staring at iMessage, Facebook, Google, and Skype for almost an hour and a half is not my idea of a fun night at the movies.

That clever thing I was talking about is that the filmmakers may have reinvented the dead teenager/revenge slasher horror sub genre? But I'm probably giving the makers of UNFRIENDED too much credit. One film that may come to mind is I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, which if you are a horror fan you should be able to dig deeper than that. I was thinking more along the lines of the early eighties slashers, where the killer is getting revenge for something embarrassing that happened to them or a loved one.

A group of online chat room friends find themselves being terrorized by a mysterious, supernatural force using the account of their dead friend. Laura killed herself after being embarrassed because of a video that was uploaded of her acting a drunk fool.

Kids, don't be a bully. Especially don't cyberbully. Thank goodness there wasn't YouTube or camera phones around when I was in school. Because if what happened to Laura happened to me, then yeah I'd want to kill myself to! I won't spoil it, but it's embarrassing and gross.

So one by one the chat room friends get killed and eventually a game of 'I Never' is played so that Laura can get her “friends” to fess up. This was when I couldn't take the gimmick any longer. I was getting annoyed looking at a computer screen.

Watching and hearing the audience reaction was the best part of UNFRIENDED which helped the movie be entertaining. In fact, if it wasn't for a sold out auditorium I would have probably walked out and asked to see another movie. Rarely do I go see a horror movie in the evening, because I am such a wuss. The downfall is that I miss the audience reaction which is the best part of seeing a scary movie, good or bad.

When the movie was over I overheard two groups of people talking about how awesome they all thought the movie was. And it made me wonder what would this group of people think about THE BABADOOK? I bring this up because I finally got to see THE BABADOOK. A film that is amazing, but I didn't think so at first. Admittedly I was a tad harsh on the symbolism and artiness of the movie. I'll get into that more if I ever review the film. But my point is that it took something like UNFRIENDED for me to see the greatness in THE BABADOOK.

In closing I can't recommend UNFRIENDED, based on the simple fact that stylistically I hated the movie. If the future of cinema is watching a computer screen then count me out.*

*Watching a trailer on a smartphone or tablet is the only exception.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

Has it been 30 years already? It feels like only yesterday that it was the films 25th anniversary! "Life moves pretty fast...". Wrong movie I know, but fitting words from another John Hughes film.

During my elementary school years there was this neighborhood kid that was in high school. We rarely hung out, but when we did I felt like the coolest person alive! This kid had it all. We're talking Atari, a train set, electronic NFL game, MTV, and he was the first kid on our block to get a Nintendo. The Nintendo wasn't until later, so a good portion of me hanging out was to watch MTV.

One day while waiting for the Thriller music video, one of his posters he had hanging on the wall caught my eye. It was the movie poster for THE BREAKFAST CLUB. He told me it was about high school and that I probably wouldn't “get it”. At the time he was probably right. But looking at the poster I recognized Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall from SIXTEEN CANDLES. It was from that moment on that this Fifth Grader couldn't wait to go to high school.

By the time jr. high rolled around, the films of John Hughes taught me everything I needed to know. I was ready. But unfortunately reality sucks and needless to say my high school experience was not cool. Nothing bad, it was just normal. But looking back it's amazing how much John Hughes got right!

It's hard to believe that THE BREAKFAST CLUB is 30 years old. Made in the 80's but the story and characters are timeless. Nothing about the film really shows it's age. Well maybe except for that stupid dance Emilio Estevez does when his character is smoking weed. By the way, what was up with that? When did smoking pot ever make you wanna get up and reenact a scene from FOOTLOOSE? Other than that, everything is timeless and relevant to teens still to this day.

You know the story. Five high school students; a brain, a beauty, a jock, a rebel, and a recluse meet in detention. There they poor their hearts out to each other and find out they have a lot more in common then they thought.

The truth about THE BREAKFAST CLUB is that the story itself is kinda predictable. You know why these teens all have their faults. The jock's father is a perfectionist, the prom queen has parents that show their love through material possessions, the rebel has an abusive father, you get the picture.

What makes the film work and work so well is that the movie has great dialogue. When these kids start talking to one another the conversation sounds genuine. Add some current events and you can make the same film today!

If you are familiar with my blog, then you might think that horror and action are my two favorite genres of film. You'd be correct, but the teen comedy genre is not far behind. I consider Hughes the master of said genre. FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF is my favorite John Hughes movie. The older I get and the more that I watch THE BREAKFAST CLUB, it may someday become my favorite.

There is more going on in the adventures of Ferris and Cameron, but the simplicity of dentition on a Saturday speaks volumes.

EVERLY

My favorite film is KILL BILL. Don't ask me what my favorite volume is, because I'll tell you that I like them both because it's one film. But there are some that just cannot except that, for whatever reason? So for those people, I am more partial to Volume 2 because of it's spaghetti western aesthetic. With KILL BILL being my favorite film, I love exploitation movies!

When I saw the trailer for EVERLY the first thing that came to mind was KILL BILL. Okay, we have a bad ass assassin played by the beautiful Salma Hayek, who is held up in an apartment killing a bunch of bad guys. Sold! Here movie, take my money! What impressed me more was that come to find out the Everly character wasn't an assassin, but yet a sex worker turned slave trying to get out of a dire situation and save her daughter. I was so set on her just being a professional killer, but instead got a far more interesting character.

While the film is a grindhouse shoot em up, director Joe Lynch messes with conventions of the action genre making EVERLY feel a bit original. In other words, he zigs when you think he's going to zag. Another hint of originality is the mash up of eastern influence. It's amazing how influential THE RAID and THE RAID 2 have already become. Another influence that I noticed was that of Japanese filmmaker Takashi Miike.

EVERLY opens up with the characters knowing everything and us the audience knowing nothing. All we know is that Everly is having the worst day in her life. It's so bad that suicide has become a serious possibility. But she is stronger than that and in a awesome fight or flight moment she kills every henchman in the room.

The story of her predicament begins to unfold when Everly receives a phone call from the gentleman who is causing all of the chaos. Apparently Everly was at one time Taiko's girl (as in sex slave). She wanted out but Taiko wouldn't let her. I guess once a Yakuza bosses girl, always a Yakuza bosses girl.

Everly even tried to get the police involved but of course that never works. For her punishment, Taiko tells Everly that he is going to kill her and her family. After begging for mercy not to have her daughter killed, Taiko agrees. Making Everly the only target. Surviving wave upon wave of assassins the evening concludes with an epic showdown between Everly and Taiko.

We're still only in the 1st Quarter of 2015, but I'm pretty certain EVERLY will be in my top ten this year. It's refreshing to see an action film of this caliber. Remember me saying that director Joe Lynch zigs when he's supposed to zag? We'll he does. I was on the edge of my seat most for most of the films runtime because things happen when you least expect it. Or a shocking death scene will come out of no where. Speaking of which, there were several times where I thought Everly's daughter wasn't going to make it!

I think my favorite scene though was the crazy and weird part of the movie where the sadomasochist showed up. It was like BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA meets Takashi Miike. Super weird and total grindhouse.

If you're a fan of action films then I highly recommend EVERLY.

CINDERELLA (2015)

When I had heard Disney was making a live action Cinderella movie I thought nothing of it. A princess movie is not for me and I'm definitely not in the demographic. But I do like a good fairy tale. I like Disney. Growing up, I became a big fan of their classic animated movies and live action films. But two things happened; I got old, and I don't care for the reimagining trend that's been going on. MALEFICENT being a perfect example.

With zero desire of seeing CINDERELLA I got a text message from a friend telling me how he was excited for the Cinderella movie because Kenneth Branagh was directing it. Wait, what? Color me curious. With this new information and early positive buzz, I was honestly pumped to see the film. But thoughts of the dreaded MALEFICENT worried me.

Just as I thought, the movie turned out to be awesome. A excellent night at the movies! Before I talk about CINDERELLA, I wanna mention my thoughts on the animated short that showed before the feature. FROZEN FEVER was a disappointment. I stopped thinking about it as soon as the main feature began. For me the main culprit is that it's just too soon. Oh, and the fact that it was completely pointless. Forgettable filler.

Once CINDERELLA started I knew this was going to be something special right from the opening frame. A picturesque setting of a village that reminded me a lot of the old school Technicolor films from the 40's and 50's. Very British and very Powell & Pressburger (THE RED SHOES, BLACK NARCISSUS). I wonder if Branagh was influenced at all by those guys? It sure looked like it.

You all know the story, but here you go. When her father unexpectedly passes away, Ella finds herself at the mercy of her wicked stepmother and sister in-laws. Ella's courage and kindness find good fortune when she runs into a dashing stranger in the woods. Unaware that he is a prince, not merely an employee at the palace, Ella feels she has finally met a kindred soul. Yes, you know the rest. The prince has a party to find his princess. Ella wants to go but her stepmother prevents her. Saddened by this Ella gives up hope, but her fairy godmother has other plans.

With a little magic Ella who is now Cinderella can go to the ball and met her “prince”. She arrives and is the belle of the ball. But at the stroke of midnight everything is to turn back to normal so instead of a goodnight kiss Cinderella leaves the prince a glass slipper. Days go by and the prince has yet to find the girl with the glass slipper. And as the story goes he finds Ella, to which then if the shoe fits?

So everybody knows the story of Cinderella, therein lies the task of making a story known interesting. And Kenneth Branagh does so in a way that is so fresh but somehow timeless. Instead of making it cool and hip for the kids, he sticks with what works and that is the story. What a brilliant concept! Nothing dumb like the wicked stepmother just being misunderstood and Ella's parents being the real evil ones? My favorite thing about CINDERELLA was how it looked! It reminded me of watching a Technicolor film from the 40's. And the movie looked like film, not 4k Digital HD. The best special effect was Ella's transformation to Cinderella. It felt like it was ripped straight out of the animated feature, and it looks fantastic! Reverse roto-scoping, if there is such a thing. If you like classic Disney then I highly recommend CINDERELLA!

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII - JASON TAKES MANHATTAN

All things must come to an end. I find it fitting that the end of the 80's also marked the end of the Friday The 13th franchise. The rate of returns started to diminish after Part 5, at least that's the impression I get looking back on the series. So by the time the eighth film came along Paramount said it was going to be the last one. And what better way to end it than to have Jason take a slice out of the Big Apple. Wait, what?

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII – JASON TAKES MANHATTAN is the weakest of the original 8 (the Paramount years) and my least favorite of that series. Being such a big fan of the Part 7, I was interested in how they were going to pull off such a crazy concept? Still to this day I remember seeing the trailer in the theater and everybody laughing. So clearly these film had run their course.

When I finally saw the film on HBO the slasher genre was still something new to me and I had only the previous film to judge it against. On first viewing I liked it. Yeah it was silly but at the time I got wrapped up in the story of the movies main character. Her sub plot of when she was a little girl learning to swim at Camp Crystal Lake (of all places) and a young Jason grabbing her leg from underwater. Watching it now it's a pretty terrible film but back when I was 12 or 13 I didn't know any better. Sometimes I still don't.

The graduating class of whatever high school is in the same city as Crystal Lake is going on a cruise to NYC. So apparently Jason's favorite watering hole is adjacent to a river that flows into the ocean? Okay, I'm sorry but that's just dumb. Anyways. The Class of '89 aren't the only ones who want to party down in the city that never sleeps. Machete wielding manics need vacations too, so Jason climbs aboard the doom cruise.

Get comfortable because we are not going to see Long Island anytime soon. That's right, the films majority of run time takes place on the ship. And it's boring. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII – JASON TAKES MANHATTAN has some of the most uninspired kills in the history of the franchise. It's as if they were tired of being bullied by the MPAA so they took it upon themselves to ease up on the gore.

But the lack of interesting kills is nothing compared to how terrible Jason looks. In the last film the make-up effects for Jason were amazing. The best the character has ever looked. Here they screw it up by having him just covered in slime. It just looks so cheep compared to what he looked like before.

When it comes right down to it, FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII – JASON TAKES MANHATTAN has only one good scene in it. And that's the one in Times Square. Jason is chasing his prey through the city and comes across some punks and their ghetto-blaster. He smashes the stereo into a million pieces. The punks yell at Jason with one even pulling out a butterfly knife. Jason just turns to face them and lifts up his hockey mask, and they run off. It's awesome! Seriously, check it out on youtube if you can.

My final thoughts on FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII – JASON TAKES MANHATTAN are that it does not hold up very well or if it ever did at all. I watched it again for this blog and I can safely say that I'll probably never watch it again. Revisiting the film made me appreciate Parts 3 and 5. Heck. I love those films compared to this train wreck; however, come to find out this isn't my least favorite Jason Voorhees film. No sir. That would be the film I recently like to call the “anti” Friday the 13th movie, the piece of crap that is JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII - THE NEW BLOOD

The year was 1988 and I was becoming interested in horror movies. Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger were pop culture icons. At the mall it was hard not to have something Nightmare On Elm Street catch your eye. For Halloween that year I wanted to go as Freddy but the costumes and make-up kits were super expensive. Plus homemade costumes are a lot more fun. I had made a glove with cardboard knives and bought a inexpensive hat. The only thing missing was the make-up. Long story short, I bought a glow-in-the-dark hockey mask. So for Halloween 1988 I went as a Freddy/Jason hybrid.

By now the Friday The 13th movies were becoming frequent on cable television and HBO. But I was still too chicken to watch. Between quick channel flips and talking with friends at school, I got the gist of it. Then came along the Nintendo game, and the rest of my questions were answered. Or so I thought? At the time I thought that the Friday The 13th video game was a true adaptation of the film series. As far as I knew, the camp counselors in the game were characters from the movies. And yes that also means I thought Jason kept his mothers decapitated head deep inside a cave.

I remember renting that game and playing it with friends all weekend long. Not because it was a good game, but because it was hard, frustrating, and believe it or not fun. Don't get me wrong, the game is terrible. You can now go on the Internet and find numerous blogs and vlogs explaining how bad and broken the video game is.

But in 1988 we didn't know any better, as far as we knew the game was smarter than us. Luckily one of us was a computer geek and had a knack for “broken” games. In other words, he thought outside the box. I think he works for Google now that I think about it? As smart as he may be, none of us could kill Jason. We would either run out of time or not have enough characters with strong weapons.

In the years that followed whenever the Friday The 13th films were brought up, I mentioned the video game. Fast forward to 1990, the year I watched my first Jason Voorhees movie unedited and in it's entirety. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII – THE NEW BLOOD was my first official foray into the popular horror franchise. It continues to be my favorite “zombie” Jason make-up of the entire series.

At the time I didn't think anything about the MPAA taking a lot of the gore out of the movie. In fact I thought the movie was pretty tame. By now I'd seen more blood and guts in films like PREDATOR and ROBOCOP. But since FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII – THE NEW BLOOD was the first one I watched “unedited”, I couldn't compare the gore to the earlier installments.

It's been 20 plus years since the last time I watched the movie. Re watching Part VII was a trip down memory lane that was well worth the wait, literately. The film doesn't hold up that well until the last 20 or 30 minutes. It's laughable how edited the gore is compared to earlier installments and the horror movies of today. If the kill scenes were ever restored only then would the movie rival FRIDAY THE 13TH – THE FINAL CHAPTER as my favorite of the series.

While this movie is somewhat dated it does have two qualities that continues to make it memorable. One, It's the first appearance of stunt man/actor Kane Hodder in the role of Jason. Kane is the quintessential Jason Voorhees and my favorite to done the hockey mask. Instead of just being “the killer”, Kane for the first time brought personality to the character of Jason Voorhees. And FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII – THE NEW BLOOD is the best Jason has ever looked.

The second quality is that Part VII tried something new, and in my opinion it worked. And that something new was having Jason go toe to toe against a teenager with psychic powers. Yes, it's Jason vs. Carrie, more or less. Again, if the severely edited gore wasn't such a distraction for me then this movie would be my favorite of the franchise.

Years after the events of Part VI, Jason has laid dormant at the bottom of Crystal Lake. Saddened by the death of her father, Tina accidentally releases Jason Voorhees from his watery grave.

Taking a page from FRIDAY THE 13TH – THE FINAL CHAPTER, we see a return to the party setting. But these cast of characters aren't as interesting. They are more generic if anything. And 80's fashion has seemed to have gotten worse. Lazy canon fodder for Jason. This misstep would become the blueprint of the slasher genre from now on. Annoying personalities or lack there of so audiences can root for Jason .

I've never been a fan of rooting for the killer/monster is horror movies. For me it's always been about seeing who survives and who is gonna kill Jason, Micheal, and Freddy. Every fan is different and I know I am in the minority.

My final thoughts are FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII – THE NEW BLOOD is the last good film of the original series (the Paramount years). And it's worth revisiting because of it's awesome make-up effects and significance in horror history in it's casting of Kane Hodder, who is and who forever will be the best Jason Voorhees.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI - JASON LIVES

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI – JASON LIVES is the funnest entry in the whole bunch. And it's probably my second favorite film in the franchise. That's right I said this film is fun, as horror movies should be. There are times to be serious (THE EXORCIST) and times to enjoy the roller coaster ride. This film is a roller coaster ride!

Part VI marked the return of Jason Voorhees. In the last movie the killer was a copycat and not Jason. The majority of fans hated this idea so the suits at Paramount told the producers to get Friday The 13th back on track. And they did. Director Tom McLoughlin introduced fans to my favorite iteration of the Jason character. Zombie Jason, or better yet Frankenstein's Monster Jason.

Now I normally don't root for the killer in these type of movies, but this isn't your typical slasher film. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI – JASON LIVES is a monster movie. And in monster movies you root for the monster. This is why I consider it my second favorite of the series.

It's been years since Tommy Jarvis hacked Jason to death at the end of FRIDAY THE 13TH – THE FINAL CHAPTER. Now an adult Tommy wants to face his fears and make 100% sure that Jason Voorhees is d-e-a-d dead. So he goes to Jason's grave to make sure. Not convinced, Tommy takes a metal rod and stabs the maggot infested corpse. Unfortunately it starts to rain and lightning strikes the rod and brings Camp Crystal Lakes favorite resident back to life.

Tommy escapes and runs to the Sheriff station for help. They think he's crazy so he gets put in cell for the night to sleep it off. The legend of Jason is nothing more than a faint memory for the town of Forest Green. Yeah, they changed the towns name to help people forget. And Sheriff Garris would like to keep it that way by giving Tommy a ride out of town. Tommy escapes the jail and goes on the hunt for Jason alone.

Meanwhile Jason has been out and about doing what he does best. It's just too bad the audience doesn't get to see it very well. Ever since Part 5 the MPAA have been a thorn in the side of this series. Critics and mom groups across the country have had enough of the gory slasher genre. So the MPAA obliged them and started rating these movies X unless the gore gets toned down. I'm not outraged by this like a lot of fans are, but some inventive kills do get edited down to awkward shoving matches. It wouldn't be until Part 7 that I actually care about the excessive editing. That film screams 'Director's Cut'.

As I was saying, Jason is killing teenagers and some grown ups. It's up to Tommy and his new friend Megan to find a way to stop Jason once and for all.

I won't totally spoil it for you but I love the final battle in this film. It's a classic monster movie climax. Tommy finds a way to stop Jason and it involves sending him back to the lake where he belongs. It's one of the better endings of the entire series. Gone are those retarded jump scare dream sequence things that don't make a lick of sense.

While I personally love the film I can only honestly recommend it to movie buff horror fans. For the new generation of horror fans I'd point them toward something like the Hatchet films. Those slasher films are definitely a response to the MPAA editing the gore out of slashers. But if you are into horror movie history and love a good monster, then by all means check this one out.

87th Academy Awards

For the past 2 years I've shared my thoughts on the Academy Awards. This year my hearts not in it but why stop now. I'm not going to hit every category because for example, I haven't seen any of the Documentaries nominated or any of the Shorts. And I've only seen one of the Animated films that's nominated.

Let's face it, The Oscars have always been political due to the method of campaigning. When I watched the annual ceremony growing up the “campaigning” didn't bother me, because of course I didn't know it was going on. As an adult watching it seems the politics have gotten worse. I'm not sad, that's just how it is. What I do find sad is the snubs that happen every year. But that's a whole different blog post.

Okay let's get this party started! The award for Best Visual Effects, and the nominees are:

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

INTERSTELLAR

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

I think it will be between INTERSTELLAR and DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. This is a difficult choice for me but I'm going to root for INTERSTELLAR just because I'm a fan of practical effects and miniatures. This film rocked it in 70mm IMAX!

This next one I'm uncertain about. The award for Best Adapted Screenplay, and the nominees are:

AMERICAN SNIPER

THE IMITATION GAME

INHERENT VICE

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

WHIPLASH

The popular safe bet is probably between THE IMITATION GAME and THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING. In my opinion the one to look out here for is WHIPLASH. Yep, I'm rooting for WHIPLASH.

Now here are the nominees for Best Original Screenplay: BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

BOYHOOD

FOXCATCHER

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

NIGHTCRAWLER

I don't think there is any doubt with this one, BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) will be the winner.

For Best Sound Editing the nominees are: AMERICAN SNIPER

BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

INTERSTELLAR

UNBROKEN

Don't count out AMERICAN SNIPER in this category but I think it's a safe bet INTERSTELLAR will nab most if not all the technical awards this year.

The nominees for Best Sound Mixing: AMERICAN SNIPER

BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

WHIPLASH

INTERSTELLAR

UNBROKEN

Again, like I said INTERSTELLAR is the obvious pick here. But BIRDMAN just might upset the Christopher Nolan masterpiece.

Best Production Design, the nominees are: THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

THE IMITATION GAME

INTERSTELLAR

INTO THE WOODS

MR. TURNER

Disney always seems to do well in this category so I'm going to say INTO THE WOODS will win. But I kind of want THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL to win!

This next category I would generally skip, but there is a film nominated here that should win hands down and that is GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY for Best Makeup and Hairstyling!

Best Music – Original Score:

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

THE IMITATION GAME

INTERSTELLAR

MR. TURNER

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

If fit the movie but I wasn't too impressed with Zimmer's score for INTERSTELLAR. And where is GONE GIRL, BIRDMAN, and NIGHTCRAWLER? All three has awesome original music. Seeing that THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING won a Golden Globe for this category, I'm sure it'll win an Oscar as well.

The nominees for Best Film Editing are: AMERICAN SNIPER

BOYHOOD

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

THE IMITATION GAME

WHIPLASH

This one should only really be between BOYHOOD and BUDAPEST HOTEL. If AMERICAN SNIPER wins in Sound Editing and or Sound Mixing, then it might sneak an win. But let's face it, AMERICAN SNIPER isn't going to win anything. I can totally see why WHIPLASH is nominated here. The intensity of music performance and acting had me by the balls! Worthy nomination!

Best Cinematography: BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

IDA

MR. TURNER

UNBROKEN

No doubt in my mind that it'll be another win for Emmanuel Lubezki with the excellent BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

The nominees for Best Directing: BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

BOYHOOD

FOXCATCHER

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

THE IMITATION GAME

I'm 99% certain the award will go to Richard Linklater for BOYHOOD. But Alejandro G. Iñárritu may steal for the win with BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:

Patricia Arquette – BOYHOOD

I have not seen WILD or INTO THE WOODS yet so I cannot make a honest pick. But from what I have seen, Patricia Arquette is my pick to win.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

Do I even have to list the nominees? We all know J.K. Simmons will win for WHIPLASH!

Best Actress in a Lead Role:

I cannot speak for three of the performances so as far as I'm concerned it's a free for all. But I loved Rosamund Pike in GONE GIRL!

Best Actor in a Lead Role:

Steve Carell – FOXCATCHER

Bradley Cooper – AMERICAN SNIPER

Benedict Cumberbatch – THE IMITATION GAME

Micheal Keaton – BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

Eddie Redmayne – THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

Yes! I want Keaton to win an Oscar.

And last but not least, the nominees for Best Picture AMERICAN SNIPER

BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

BOYHOOD

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

THE IMITATION GAME

SELMA

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

WHIPLASH

If BIRDMAN won I wouldn't complain but I think we all know the winner will be BOYHOOD.

JUPITER ASCENDING

Ever since STAR WARS I have had a deep love and interest in science fiction and space fantasy films. As a kid growing up there were 4 movies on heavy rotation at my house. THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, FLASH GORDON, THE NEVERENDING STORY, and THE LAST STARFIGHTER. These films along with a few cheesy ones like BEASTMASTER cemented my love for fantasy.

JUPITER ASCENDING reminds me of going to the bookstore as a kid and looking at all the paperbacks in the Science Fiction section. I would always pick up something “lite” like a Star Trek book. But the others with their cool looking covers would send my imagination into overdrive. And for me, JUPITER ASCENDING was The Wachowskis bringing those awesome book covers to life.

There is a good 90 minute version of JUPITER ASCENDING somewhere within the films 127 minute runtime. The more I describe the new Wachowskis film to friends, I find myself liking it less and less. But rest assured I'm still a fan of their work and willing to give the film a second chance if a extended version or director's cut becomes available on home video.

Essentially the film is a Cinderella space opera set in a bright and colorful future. Mila Kunis plays Jupiter, a destitute caretaker who's life life is about to change. What Jupiter doesn't know is that she is the reincarnation of a queen. To keep things simple lets just say she is the reincarnation of a space queen. Queen to a intergalactic royal family of spoiled brats. These brats are actually thousands of years old.

To keep this less convoluted as possible I'll try to explain things even simpler. Balem Abrasax has his claim of Earth, but Jupiter Jones is the rightful heir. An assassination attempt is made and Titus Abrasax hires Caine Wise (Channing Tatum)to find Jupiter Jones and keep her safe. Once safe and sound Jupiter bureaucratically becomes royalty and rightful heir to Earth. The Abrasax family secret of harvesting earthlings to make cell rejuvenation cream is discovered. Will Jupiter forfeit Earth to save her family and the entire human race? Or can her and Caine put a stop to Balem?

Like I mentioned earlier, the more that I think about this film the less I like it. Besides the convoluted plot, we've got a severely miscast lead in Mila Kunis. After the Star Wars prequels I could understand why Natalie Portman would be done with space adventures, but I think she would have been a far better choice for Jupiter Jones.

And I felt Channing Tatum was under utilized. He did an okay job but I honestly felt he was more bad ass in the 21 Jump Street films. Sorry, but his gravity boots weren't as cool as the movie wanted you to think they were. I never thought I'd say this but I'm finding Tatum far more compelling in films like FOXCATCHER than in action/adventure roles.

As action is concerned, this movie could've had more of Channing Tatum and Sean Bean kicking ass, and less of Mila Kunis falling through the sky and screaming. It happens a lot and quickly annoying.

Yes, Sean Bean is in this thing and he's cool as usual. One thing though. I didn't quite catch his genetic splicing ability? His name is Stinger because he was spliced with a bee. And the house he was living in could double as a hive. But I guess his “ability” was loyalty? I mean Caine was spliced with a dog or wolf, and at least he did some dog like stuff whereas with Stinger I was never sure. It doesn't really matter I guess.

But the acting highlight of JUPITER ASCENDING is Eddie Redmayne as Balem Abrasax, the films villain. I had a blast with his performance. It's peculiar to down right laughably bad. It begs the question, what was he thinking! Especially after knocking it out of the park with THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING where he played Steven Hawking. I was talking to a friend a work and we both think that Eddie's chances of an Oscar this year are completely shot now. But holy cow, wouldn't it be amazing if he won! It'd be hilarious, but that's just me.

For me the only thing JUPITER ASCENDING has going for it is the visuals. The production design and costumes are awesome. The special effects were a nice change of pace from all out CGI. Most of the action was shot with blue screen. A practice you don't see much anymore. While it does look dated I prefer this old school method over heavy CGI. Because it feels like you are watching a film, not a video game.

I'd only recommend JUPITER ASCENDING to those who like space adventure movies. Especially ones from the 80's. This would make a great double feature with FLASH GORDON (1980). Just make sure you watch JUPITER ASCENDING first, that way you don't fall asleep.