Sunday, December 31, 2017

Disappointments 0f 2017

2017 was a great year for movies. Lots a good releases, which surprised me because I was expecting the year to be mediocre for film. I was wrong! But with the good there always comes the bad. And let me tell you, there were some pretty bad ones. This list is comprised of disappointments and not a "Worst" list.

I'd love to have one of those for you but time is a factor and also I'm not a critic by profession. I'm sure THE EMOJI MOVIE is just as atrocious as it sounds, but cinematic cancers like that don't appear on the list because I try to avoid garbage like that as much as I can.

Before I get to the list here are some dishonorable mentions:

THE GREAT WALL

HITMAN'S BODYGUARD

GHOST IN THE SHELL

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD

BRIGHT

Here we go... my Disappointments Of 2017:

DEATH NOTE

Being a huge fan of Adam Wingard I've been kinda let down by his last two films? My problem with DEATH NOTE isn't it's deviation from the source material or the whitewashing of characters, my problem is that the movie is dull. With the film being a Netflix Original I gave this movie 3 watches hoping to appreciate Wingard's vision. The more I watched the more problems I found. I just hope GODZILLA VS. KONG is good because if not, that's strike three for the director.

THE MUMMY

I should have known better with this one, that first teaser trailer is still hilarious! But alas, I am a sucker when it comes to Universal Monsters. I must give credit to the studio for trying to update the classic characters for a younger generation. The first mistake I really believe is casting Tom Cruise. I like the guy but this has miscast written all over it. The second and probably major problem with the film is doubling down of the action adventure in a horror film. The reason that such a failure is so high on my list is because I could see myself rewatching this as a lesson on what not to do.

If Universal really wants to give hip new life to its classic Monsters, then they just need to remake THE MONSTER SQUAD.

THE DARK TOWER

Stephen King fans has a good 2017, with the exception of this abomination. THE DARK TOWER is a 95 minute lesson in how not to adapt a novel into a movie. If this film came out 20 - 30 years ago, it might have been passable for an adaptation? But because of the LORD OF THE RINGS films and Cinematic Universes, the old ways are unacceptable now. I really feel sorry for all the fans of the source material, maybe the television show is gonna be awesome? At least IT (2017) and GERALD'S GAME were both amazing!

POWER RANGERS

Had zero desire to see this when it came out but a friend of mine herald it as his favorite film of the year (as of March)? Then some fans of the original television series liked the movie and thought it did the brand justice. Once the movie hit Redbox I gave it a watch, and thought the movie was pretty terrible. Two thoughts cross my mind when it comes to POWER RANGERS: fans should aim higher and not every franchise needs to be a Cinematic Universe.

I have no right to take someone's childhood enjoyment away from them, but I'm sorry 90's kids The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers weren't as cool as you thought they were. And just because cinematic universes are the thing to do with franchises these days, doesn't mean it's always a good idea. The fact that POWER RANGERS is all set up for the next film, where the characters will actually be Power Rangers is the biggest set back for the movie.

BAYWATCH

This "comedy" had one job, to be a funny R-rated raunchy beach life comedy about lifeguards, and it failed. What audiences got instead was a half-hearted knock off of 21 JUMP STREET.

JIGSAW

For the first 15 minutes of JIGSAW I was thinking the movie was going to be a fresh take on the "popular" horror series? I was wrong. The movie is a prequel to one of the sequels, or that's what I gathered from the boredom. At least the movie was better than SAW VII, which isn't saying much.

LITTLE EVIL

Comedies really shouldn't be on lists like these because humor can be so subjective. But when you have a movie like LITTLE EVIL you can't help but add it to the list.

I was pumped to hear that the co-writer and director of TUCKER AND DALE VS. EVIL has a new movie coming out. This year I actually got to watch TUCKER AND DALE VS. EVIL on the big screen, and the very same week watch LITTLE EVIL on Netflix. I have no idea what happened but LITTLE EVIL is the most unfunny thing I've watched in a long time, a long time. None of the jokes were working for me and neither was premise, a spoof of THE OMEN.

RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER

A bunch of you are thinking it's a no-brainer for this movie to be on this list. Truthfully I'm sad about it because I enjoy some of these films for their exploitation qualities, but THE FINAL CHAPTER is terrible. The action and editing in this movie is some of the worst I've ever sat through? This is something I don't understand because Paul W.S. Anderson can (and has) directed action very well. My only guess it that they didn't have the budget to shoot action scenes proper, which explains the epileptic seizure style of editing?

KILLING GUNTHER

To quote a good friend of mine I can sum up this piece of crap with two words, "the cringe".

KILLING GUNTHER is a comedy, so again is it fair for me to put it on the list? I'm sure somebody finds the movie funny, I'm just not a fan of 92 minute Funny Or Die sketches. Arnold Schwarzenegger's appearance in the last 15 minutes could have saved the movie, but it was too little to late.

GEOSTORM

Here we are, the bottom of the barrel of my list. GEOSTORM, the disaster movie where nothing exciting happens. Sometimes there can be enjoyment from a bad movie, but in my opinion there is nothing worse than a boring movie. Boring should be the farthest thing from a Disaster Movie. I remember having more fun at INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE, and that movie was awful.

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