Saturday, August 22, 2009


If most of you do not know already, which I think the majority of my readers do, is that I am a huge Quentin Tarantino fan. PULP FICTION was the film that was a breath of fresh air to me and most if not all of America. It was not until his KILL BILL movies that I became the Tarantino fan that I am today.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is the Tarantino WWII film I have been waiting for almost over 5 years. He has had this movie in his head for 10 years. It has taken so long because he had just kept writing and writing to where eventually it became almost like a novel.

With me being a huge fan of Quentin's work it would come off as sounding very elitist of me when I say that INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is the masterpiece of Quentin Tarantino. In my honest opinion this new movie is his masterpiece; however, this is not the Tarantino WWII I expected or wanted to see. I was expecting to witness a balls to the wall World War II Men on a Mission DIRTY DOZEN film done Tarantino style. This movie is not that. Quentin definitely threw his hat into the ring of the WWII sub genre, but INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS turned out be oh such more. What most people misunderstand is that Quentin's filmmaking is more reinventing than paying homage. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is the re-imagining of how World War II did indeed end.

Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France... a young Jewish refugee Shosanna witnesses the slaughter of her family by the "Jew Hunter" Colonel Hans Landa. Narrowly escaping with her life, she plots her revenge several years later when German war hero takes an interest in her and arranges a movie premiere at the theater she now runs. With the promise of every major Nazi officer in attendance, the event catches the attention of the "Basterds", a group of Jewish-American guerrilla soldiers led by the ruthless Lt. Aldo Raine. As the plans are set in motion, their paths will cross for a fateful evening that will shake the very annals of history. I really want to tell you how Shosanna, Aldo and the rest of the "Bastards" end WWII but you really must see for yourself. How they stop the war? So are you telling us that this is a fantasy? No, it's more like if these men, these "Bastards" were really in the big one, then this is how WWII would have ended.

While not being the Men on a Mission movie that I was hoping, I still love this film LOVE it. After seeing it twice I like everything about it every shot, every scene, every performance, and every bit of music. I love it. Tarantino has created a WWII universe that we only get to see glimpses of. A sequel or something like the BAND OF BROTHERS mini-series would be awesome. I am satisfied but also longing for more. Please Mr. Tarantino let this be not the end to your wonderfully crafted WWII universe, please?



Saturday, August 15, 2009

District 9

Okay so I lied, sue me. The week I thought about quiting must have been a bad one for me. You still may not hear from me much on here but that's okay because I don't think that many people still read this blog much anymore. Friday morning @ 12:01am I had the privilege to see one of the best most important science fiction films since who knows when, maybe THE MATRIX. What about the movie MOON Caleb, as some of you may be wondering? MOON was awesome and one of the coolest films of 2009 but found it just did not move me like District 9 did.

This film like every film ever made will have have it's lovers and haters. I only state this because with this film it will happen, sadly. All reviews of art be it amature or professional is subjective, but haters be wrong because this movie is just too cool. I really hope that DISTRICT 9 does more than just find it's target audience during the film's theatrical run. Moviegoers who know what DISTRICT 9 is beyond just the trailers, will more than likely end up loving the movie just like they thought they would. Others may cry bologna sauce and outrage over the mockumentary first 15 minutes and utter lack of Hollywood star power. Most just want that double cheeseburger from MacDonald's and for Will Smith to welcome the alien invaders with a "Hell No" and a punch to the face. Moving on, enough with the soap box jazz.

Years ago, aliens made first contact with Earth. Humans waited for the hostile attack, or the giant advances in technology. Nothing happened. It turns out that the aliens were refugees. The creatures, which are called Prawns because of their crustatious like features, were set up in a makeshift home in South Africa's District 9 as the world's nations argued over what to do with them. Now, patience over the alien situation has run out. The tension between the aliens and the humans comes to a head when MNU field operatives come into District 9 to move the aliens into a more controlled environment like a concentration camp. Wikus van der Merwe , a MNU worker contracts a mysterious virus that begins changing his DNA. Wikus quickly becomes the most hunted man in the world, as well as the most valuable. Ostracized and friendless, there is only one place left for him to hide, District 9.

The trailers and website can set you up for what you want to happen next, human verses alien carnage. You will have no idea what is in store for you, no idea. The action in this film is wild and the alien weapon technology is bugnuts crazy! Bolts of energy that blows people, aliens, and other stuff up. Some moments are like something out of the video game Halo, but this is no video game.

If the awesome action does not grab you then the unapologetic social commentary might. The reactions from this aspect of the film will be just as brutal as some of the films most gory of moments.

DISTRICT 9 is a smart genre film that will be talked about and picked apart for years. It will be if not already a science fiction classic.

It is a strong A+ for DISTRICT 9! Enjoy!!!!


Friday, August 7, 2009

G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra

From the very first trailer this movie looked all shades of bad. Hollywood has tried this formula before with the '90's STREET FIGHTER and MORTAL KOMBAT movies and we all know how thoes pieces of crap turned out. The fact that a G.I. JOE movie was going to be helmed by the guy responsible for VAN HELSING wasn't very promising to me to say the least. I just felt this movie was doomed from the very start.

Would it be fair of me to say that G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA is a good movie or one of the best of the summer? No it would not because quite honestly it is not. What the movie is I can honestly say is a honest to goodness; bad to the bone Saturday morning sugar coated crazy G.I.JOE movie. This film is 100% G.I. JOE!

Purists will scoff at a lot of what the movie did not translate from the cartoon or the comics, but all of that can be forgiven in my opinion because what the filmmakers did do right was capture the essence of what playing with the toys or the cartoon was about and that is FUN. I have only one big flaw with the film and that is the stupid slow motion action. I am fine with a slow motion punch, kick, and even the occasional gun blast. What I am not okay with is when this over used special effect is used for stupid stuff like A JET DODGING A MISSILE OR BLAST OF SOME KIND! This happened in the movie way too much.

What I love most about this film is that it's JOE'S fighting COBRA. The movie does have a weak but not too dumb back story for some of our favorite characters to create some drama to carry the action along. Unlike that other 80's toy and cartoon movie that is more about a boy and his robot changing car.

So if you were a kid growing up in the late seventies and early eighties and watching Saturday morning cartoons was your thing, then you should love G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA! B+ Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Saturday, August 1, 2009

FROM THE BARGIN BIN - Slaughter High (1986)

SLAUGHTER HIGH was one of the million FRIDAY THE 13TH knock offs to come out in the 80's. Being that the film came out in '86 I had that feeling that it was going to be bad. Yes the movie is bad but also very entertaining for a slasher film from 1986. The bad is just what you would come to expect from a slasher film from the eighties. SLAUGHTER HIGH has not aged well at all. The dialogue is awful and filled with slasher movie cliches. Someone scares some girls with a hockey mask and even mentions Jason. The best one I thought was when one of the teens tells everyone that they all just need to stay awake. Stay awake? Last time I checked this guy wasn't attacking you in your dreams?

A group of popular students play a cruel prank on a shy nerd resulting in a terrible accident. Years later a reunion is held where each of the students face a stalker killer who may be the same nerd out for revenge.

Some of the kills and special effects have held the test of time quite well than I remember as a kid watching the movie on USA's Up All Night hosted by Gilbert Gottfried.

$4.99 was the cost of fun and SLAUGHTER HIGH gets a D+!


The Collector

What a truly great surprise, I did not expect this movie to come to Springfield at all! This film also it seems just came out of no where and sadly may only last a week. If tonight is date night and you like a good horror movie, skip FUNNY PEOPLE ( it will still be waiting for you next week) and go see THE COLLECTOR.

THE COLLECTOR is the best thing that is happening in horror right now. Ever since say like 2002 horror movies have been like they were in the late seventies and early eighties, cool and scary. Today horror is in a bind. The genre is and has been over saturated in stale ideas (j-horror), torture porn(that's SAW for all my non horror readers), boring haunted house tales, and the uninteresting horror remake. When I say that THE COLLECTOR is the best thing to happen in horror I am telling you that this film is an anything but ordinary nail biter horror movie. The premise is what I love best about the movie.

A thief has been scoping out a house he is going to rob for weeks. The family that lives in the house are going on vacation. Times are rough because his wife owes a lone shark some money sooner than later. Our jewel thief has to do the job before midnight despite what his boss(or partner) says. This is truly where the story begins. What the jewel thief does not know is that a masked killer has been staking out the family as well. The thief breaks in to find the house is set full of nasty traps for the family to fall prey to. So begins a very interesting and awesome cat and mouse game as the thief uses his skill to save the family without becoming a victim himself.

Never before have I been on the edge of my seat in the theater than I was for THE COLLECTOR. The ending sort of lost me but other than that everything worked for me.

It's a B+ for THE COLLECTOR! Enjoy at your own risk!